Happy Saturday to you...

Good very early morning to you all and happy Saturday. I am kind of tired, but I have to be up kind of early so I can go get the coffee from Starbucks. They happily are donating coffee to my FRG (Family Readiness Group) so we can serve it to the soldiers. Today is what is called SRP-time. All the soldiers have to perform certain physical tests--blood included--and to update all their information. Have they moved in the last few months? Did they get married? Divorced? Have a baby? All their information must be updated and it takes an entire weekend to get it done. It's a lengthy process and so that is where my FRG unit steps in. We sell  food and drinks to the soldiers. It's a fundraiser of sorts for our FRG unit. All this money goes towards our military family get-togethers and at the moment, those get-togethers are happening on a monthly basis. Deployment sucks. It's the FRG's job to make deploment more bearable.

Some of us don't have family here where we are, and we feel incomplete without our soldier home. So we Army families become one strong, extended family. Some of us need that security in friendship. It's good to have a friend that knows what it's like to be all alone on the weekends and holidays and birthdays and graduations and anniversaries. It feels good to have a friend that thinks it's normal to be driving down the road and then without reason you just burst into irrational tears--just because. Or considers it normal to go through the entire closet smelling each of his shirts just to find his scent lingering on one of them. A friend who is going through the same boring, crazy, lonely, or scary moments like you, and they are there to help hold you up or lend you an ear--or shoulder--because you do the same for them.

This is why I am up just a little bit early. I'm getting ready for this SRP fundraiser. I hope it's somewhat successful. We are going to be serving cinnamon rolls, orange juice, coffee and sodas for breakfast, and then for lunch we plan to serve chili. I got up at 5:30 to get the ice for the coolers and the coffee from Starbucks.
So here I am sitting on the couch all finished getting ready. My hair is done and face is washed and my teeth are brushed, and now I'm waiting for the clock to say 7:00am. That's when I plan to go wake up my oldest boy and get him dressed. He is coming with me. The other two boys are going to stay here and sleep in and hang out with their sitter. I need to take my oldest with me because, dang-it, I can't trust him. I hate that I can't trust this kid any farther than I can throw him, but it is what it is. I told him it's because he's my big helper and he's so strong. He--thankfully--was willing to help. Okay, sometimes, I am really proud of that kid. Sometimes he can be a wonderful, kind and loving soul. It's just waaaaay down in there and needs a lot of coaxing to come up the surface. Sometimes there are days that I don't actually want to strangle the last breath out of him. Some days are better than others.

Last night before I went to bed, I did some new Yoga poses, and then sat down to meditate immediately after. It had such a powerful effect. It was like nothing I had experienced before. At first I imagined myself kissing each of my children. I could feel exactly the way their foreheads feel against my lips and their exact body weight and the way they feel in my arms when I hug them. Then just as I finished, I felt myself rise above and beyond them. I could feel myself growing smaller as I became surrounded by the endless, vast enormity of who I am in this world... in time. I felt so tiny, but yet without me--somehow--time can not continue. Without each of us in our own place in this world...in time, we cannot be complete. I can't explain it better than that. It was powerful. I couldn't feel my body. I couldn't feel my hands. It had been left behind as I realized my place in time and in this world and in Heaven and on earth.

All my anxiety, for a moment, was forgotten. It was unimportant. It was insignificant. It was just--stuff. Then all at once I came back to myself, to my body. I felt my hands and the weight of my body. I saw the soft glow from the lamp from behind my closed eyelids.When I opened my eyes, I felt lighter. Like I had released a pressure nozzle from somewhere inside. It was relieving. My stress has been sitting on my shoulders like an iron noose. The burden of carrying it has literally made my head and neck ache. Once I had crawled into bed, I slept all night. It felt good to not toss and turn. When I woke up this morning, I felt as if I had slept well. Thank goodness. I was needing a good night's sleep.

Well, time to get back to reality. I need to go wake up a certain little helper. He needs to get dressed and maybe get some breakfast in his tummy before we hit the road. The sitter will be here soon and I need to get moving before I start to run behind. Happy Saturday to you all! Here's to a successful fundraiser! Know what? It's gonna be a good fundraiser even if we don't make a lot of money. The fact that we're there--honestly--that's all that matters.