Just another manic Monday

Today was Monday, and I am like Garfield the Cat when it comes to Mondays. I hate Mondays. Everybody has to get back to work; kids have to get up for school. Everybody has to wake up early and shake off the laziness of the weekend and put back on their serious faces and get back to the grind.
Yuck.
I hate Mondays.
This Monday was especially brutal. It didn’t hold back. My day started off well enough but the “bad” creeped in--slowly. I was supposed to go take a prospective van into the mechanic’s shop today to get my thumbs up/ thumbs down, but when it came right down to it, I didn’t see the need to. Not just yet anyway. You see, I checked the bank account today and realized that the funds to afford the van just simply aren’t there. Not enough. Not yet anyway.
I realized today that we are going to need to start saving way more money if we are going to buy this van. THIS particular van is for sale by a person. Not a used car lot that will finance. Maybe this guy will hold on to the van for us until we have all the money? Maybe.
However, this raises all kinds of questions for me. Do I need to just tell the guy never mind? Should I sell MY van to raise the money faster? Should I just hang on to my van till the husband comes home and then we can take care of all this van business then? Should I just keep looking at different used car lots and potentially get jacked around in order to be able to finance? Do I really want to make more vehicle payments a month? I don’t think I will find a better van at a better price, but should I just get my van fixed and forget all this nonsense?
So I called the guy and told him I wouldn’t be able to make it today to get the van checked out. I need to speak with my husband first about our finances . He said okay. He seemed nice about it. Thank goodness for a nice person. But oh man I’m bummed out. I need this van business to be over and done with.
The next portion of my day really socked it to me. As if finances weren’t enough of a problem, I still have my house in Kansas City that’s a nagging issue. I kid you not, the problem with this house invades my dreams. I get nightmares about this house. I dream that I return to the house to just visit--I don’t know why I’m visiting but I just am--and to my shock and horror the house is still FULL of all my stuff. I look in the cabinets and there are the dishes! Didn’t I pack those? Surely I did! I look in the closets and there’s all our clothes. Didn’t I pack all our clothes??? So I have to find boxes for all this STUFF. I don’t have enough boxes. I can’t fit all the stuff into the boxes. The stuff is accumulating. I’m in full panic mode and I feel helpless. That’s about the time I wake up, breathless and overwhelmed with the feeling of despair.
So this is just one of the reasons why this house needs to be sold--and soon. I got the idea to call an attorney from my sister. Then I got the idea to call my attorney friend, Paula, in Kansas City from my mother. So today I gave Paula a call and left her a message that I was needing her to call me back. I wanted Paula to just maybe, possibly direct me to a fellow attorney friend that she might have that just maybe, possibly knows the house-selling business like it was all they know how to do. So I made my call, left her a message and then took some Advil for my little headache and planned to take a rest on the couch. However no sooner had I flopped on the couch then my phone rang. It was Paula. She wanted to let me know that no, she didn’t have any fellow attorney friends that are good at the house-selling business, but she did however have a friend who is realtor. Maybe the realtor friend can give me a call if I don’t mind?
Okay sure, why not. It’s not like I haven’t gone through about three other realtors so far in a space of seven months, and they have all let me down abysmally. Sure. Why not try out yet another realtor? So I reluctantly gave the realtor a call. I told her of my position. I am not in KC anymore but I need to sell this run down, old house. My husband has deployed. Yes, I have special power of attorney because no I‘m not on the deed or mortgage….blah, blah, blah.
She says, “Oh I can help you! This is my field of specialty. I specialize in short sales and blah, blah, blah“…
“Okay“, I tell her, “ Listen. Please don’t tell me you can handle this yet. Not until you have seen the house first. Really. It’s doozie. It’s falling down and needs more repairs than it’s worth. The mortgage company refused to make a deal with me back when I had a buyer. It’s all kinds of mess. This is why I was looking for an attorney.”
She insisted that she would go take a look at the house first, then get back with me later this week. Great.
If she thinks she can help me after looking at the house, do I even still want to bother? Why bother even going down this road…again? I should just tell the lady no thank you and go look for an attorney like I had originally intended.
Then my brain goes into overdrive thinking again of the van and the house and the bills coming up and the bills that have been paid and how much can I save at this rate and blah, blah, blah!!!!!
My brain was screaming by the time I got off the phone with the realtor. My thoughts were flipping through my head so fast I was dizzy. The little hamster in his wheel was going at an insane and unnatural speed. I looked at the time. Oh jeeze! It was time to go get the kids from school. I grabbed my coat and keys and ran out the door. No time to stop by the library to get the book that is waiting for me, I was running too late for that.
As I was driving down the road, a thought struck me. Duh, Jayme! Practice your deep yogic breathing. That should help your brain to calm down and relieve your anxiety. So I took a breath, but soon discovered I had none. It was like the breath had been knocked out of me. I gave a pathetic little exhale. Plaaahhh….

I didn’t bother trying my yogic breathing after that. I was too overwhelmed. Too dizzy. Too breath-LESS.
I realize that this too shall pass. This was just a bad day, just a manic Monday. Tomorrow will come. Tomorrow will be a better day and all that jazz. I should be thankful for the little things. Thankful for my attorney friend; thankful that I at least have another vehicle to get me by, and the van isn’t my only mode of transportation. I should be thankful that my husband has a job, that we don’t live on the streets. That I’m not paralized. That my kids aren‘t short-bus special. That we have food. That the cat has food. I should be thankful, and I am. But right at the moment my headache is pounding and this day sucked eggs. I just want to turn off the lights and hope that when Tuesday gets here tomorrow, it will feel pity on me and treat me with some kindness. And that this pounding headache and neck-ache have hit the road.