I Raced For The Cure!

Yesterday was the day. In my opinion yesterday was Mother's Day. Yesterday I ran in the Salt Lake City's Susan G. Komen Race For The Cure. I couldn't have asked for a better event to show my mother my love and appreciation for her strenghth and bravery. Her fight was sucessful, but it was no walk through the garden. It was brutal. It was emotional to say the least. I can't even begin to imagine what my mom went through. It was all I could do to not hop on a plane with my three wild and crazy hellions just so I could be by her side and give her a hug her when she needed it the most. But I know that was impractical. She knows I love her and besides she has an amazing support group right where she is. My stepdad alone has been the strongest and most supportive in her team. I consider him to be an angel with red hair and a beard.
So let's get to the race. It went amazingly! The weather yesterday was warm and sunny with a slight breeze. It was perfect walk/run weather. My two other friends, Rachael, Laurie and I took off together from the light rail station in Sandy, Utah headed for downtown Salt Lake City. It was a great way to travel, and at each train stop the train loaded up with more and more people covered in pink and white. Most folks wore the assigned Race For The Cure tee-shirts, but many loaded onto the train that were dressed in pink tu-tus and bright pink wigs. Some had on shirts that said, "I'm just here for the boobies" and some wore shirts that were in memory of their mother, mother-in-law, grandmother, sister, or daughter. All were heart felt and all were very touching. I discovered when we arrived there in the very crowded downtown area that I could fill out and wear a sign that said 'In Celebration Of'. I filled out my piece of paper to say 'My Mommy'. "In Celebration Of My Mommy".
My friends and I walked around for a bit just people watching and looking at all the crazy get-ups that some of the other folks wore. Some ladies wore their bras on the outside of their shirts and some wore coconut bras. Many had on the pink tu-tu and I was secretly thinking I would like one of those myself. Ha ha ha!
Some men even wore the pink tu-tus and some folks brought their dogs in a pink tu-tu. It was the craziest and most fun event you could go to dressed like a pink wierdo. Some men had on the shirts that said, "I like boobies" or "I'm just here for the boobies" and I was thinking they could probably only wear these shirts here and not be considered perverts.
My two friends and I lined up at the starting line where we were elbow to elbow and lost in the massive crowd of pink. When they announced it was time to, "3...2...1...GO" we were bumping into everybody and stumbling over our own feet trying to get past the pink and white balloon archway that stood over the starting line.

Finally we were able to get going in a fast walk/light jog rhythm and pass by so many others that were dressed in crazy pink get-ups. One thing this race was for sure was a feast for the eyes! If you enjoy people-watching this is the race for you! We jogged past older women wearing solid pink shirts that said "survivor" on them, and women that looked like very serious runners that had been checking their pulses at the beginning of the race. We ran past women and men who pushed the new style jogger strollers that had pink decorated babies inside them. What I liked the most was the woman who appeared to be a very serious runner and  who looked like she was no stranger to running races. Beside her was her son. They were jogging together. He couldn't have been older than 6 or 7. She kept a slow pace to stay next to her son and they jogged together. They looked so sweet. Mother and child.

My two friends and I kept a fast pace walk, light jog. We jogged when we could, but walked most of the time because you could only go so fast without running over the folks in front you. At the half way point they passed out water, thankfully. That was just what we needed to keep going. We decided that at the last mile or so we would push it into a run no matter who we had to run around to do it. So we broke into a run, and kept going and weaving around groups and teams of people till we reached the second pink and white balloon archway that signaled the end of the 3.2 miles. We completed the race in 55 minuets. That's not so bad, I suppose considering we walked most of the way. I couldn't have been more proud to have been apart of such a great race.

When it was all over with, we sat next to a stream that flowed through the downtown Gateway Mall area and we peeled and ate the oranges they passed out at the finish line and discussed our options for where we would go for an early lunch before it was time to get back home. We decided to catch the train back to Sandy, Utah and eat a bite at the Sweet Tomato right across the street from the train station. The Sweet Tomato is a like a huge salad/pasta/soup bar. It was a great place to go and apparently a popular choice for others that had run the race. We met many others in the pink and white tee-shirts there.

I got to enjoy a great lunch with NO KIDS, and quality conversation with great friends. Did I mention it was with NO KIDS!!! Like I said earlier, in my opinion yesterday was Mother's Day. I got to do something for my mother and I enjoyed a meal with no whining and no fighting and nobody had to go potty that couldn't take themself. I get to say that I was part of a terrific race for a terrific cause and in celebration of a terrific woman. A woman who, in one month's time, will be here to visit me and my boys. I get see my mommy again! I have missed her. You know what? I really am the luckiest girl in the world. I have MUCH to be thankful for. God bless my mother. God bless all mothers. Happy Mother's Day!

Things are getting better (slowly) I think? Maybe? Okay, sorta.

I have so much to say and such little time in which to say it. So I will make this short, but I will try to cover lightly on all topics.

One: David has been fighting at school and I have been going through this spectrum of emotions with him. I am proud of him for taking care of me when I don't feel good when the body aches are bothering me, but I am SO disappointed in him for fighting. He is one more fight away from being suspended from school for a time. I have PLEADED with the psychiatrist to get him on an anti-depressant medication and FINALLY she has prescribed one. He is now on his day number two of Zoloft. We all have our fingers crossed for him.

Two: Little Mark has been off the wall with either his ADHD or his Tourrets. It appears that I am just going to have to pick my poison with him. He either ticks away or he suffers from his attention deficiency. So since I have to take my pick, I'll choose ADHD to be controlled. His ticks? Well, I will just have to learn to live with them. I can't have my cake and eat it too, I guess. This will certainly come with it's own set of problems. Let me say that again, This WILL come with it's own set of problems, but what else can I do? I have no other choice.

Three: Gabe is fine. No more strep and healthy as a horse. He usually gives me very little problem, THANK YOU GOD! Thank you for one ADHD-free child!!!

Four: My body aches have been a pain in the arse for many months now, and there is nothing the doctors can do about it, except treat the symptoms. It appears that getting the injectable B-12 shot the moment I feel them coming on is like the best thing I have found for them. Just this last week I could feel them coming on so I went to the doctor's office where she gave me a B-12 shot, and it lessened the pain so noticeably and effectively that I was able to go on about the day with no problems. I could still feel the aches, but they were so light that I was able to function!  So, long story short, I asked the doctor for a prescription of the B-12 injectable and she is allowing it! I went just today and picked up my B-12 prescription and 25 gauge needles. So now every week when I feel the pain coming on I just need to give myself the shot instead of driving to the doctor's office with kids in tow. Yes that does sound a bit scary but hey! I will do what I have to do for relief. The pain can be that bad and the relief is that good. It also doesn't hurt that I have two good  nurse friends that live right here next to me. Ha ha! They can give me a shot.

Five: Tomorrow is the Susan G. Komen Race For The Cure!!!! I am SO EXCITED!!!! I have been running 5 days a week except on days when the aches are too much for me, to prepare for this day. I realize that I won't be coming in first place or anything like that, and I certainly don't plan to. What I DO plan to do is enjoy the moment with friends, and run in honor of my mother. My mother who can refer to herself as a survivor, a soldier, a rock. What would I do without her? What would I have done without her during this deployment? Her wisdom and her love has kept me going through this year that running a marathon in her honor seems like a pretty nice gesture. That and I really like the color pink. This is going to be such a momentous occasion, I can NOT forget to make some room on my camera's memory disk tonight. It would be pretty sad if I forgot my camera.

Okay so I better be going. I have to get ready for a counselor session for David. He has been attending one-on-one sessions with his counselor once a week. Oh, by the way I started going to a class that helps parents of children with ODD. I wonder how much I will be able to get from this class? So far we have discussed What Is ODD? I have done so much self-teaching and study on ODD I felt like maybe I could I stand up and teach What Is ODD? myself. It's the How Do I Deal With A Kid With ODD that I need help with.
Anyway, I hope that everybody is having a decent week and the rain isn't killing everybody's Spring Fever.
I will update you on how the race went. (going to be nice weather, thank God)
Wish me luck!

Hello there, it's been two weeks

I know, I know, Two weeks is a kind of a long while but I have had the greatest excuse ever in the world. I had my husband home for his R&R. I got to be wife again for two weeks! It was amazing. We didn't go anywhere or do anything in particular except be here at the house and be a family again. As a matter of fact he just left this morning on a plane to go back. Am I sad? Yes. Will we be okay? I guess we have to be, won't we? It sucks to have to put back on the brave mask again, but I'm used to wearing it by now. The mask seems to have worn a groove on my face. It fits.
I had absolutely NO IDEA that Mark was coming home. It was a total surprise! Okay so here is the story:
So there we were at McDonald's playland on a yucky, snowy Sunday afternoon. The boys were supposed to be playing but they were doing more complaining than anything. Arguing too. I had had enough. It was such a crappy day. Between the snow coming down hard outside and the boys fighting at McDonald's and I was just plain sick of being bored on a Sunday and missing my husband and tired of being so all alone, I had enough. I was a pretty bad mood, but then my phone rang. It was my husband's local/United States phone number that popped up on caller ID. My first thought was this had to be a mistake. Something must be wrong with the service. How can he be calling me. So I answered it purely out of curiosity. I was sure it wouldn't be him. There had to be a mistake, but after I said hello it was his voice that followed. "Hey there, baby!", he said. I was totally confused. "How is it that you are calling me from your local service phone?" I asked him. "Because I have local service in Dallas." was his reply. "WHAT???!!!" I yelled back at him. "what are you doing in Dallas? What's happened?" By now I had just about everybody in the McDonald's playland looking right at me and probably wondering if I was crazy. He said he was waiting for his connection flight to Utah and SURPRISE!! "I'm coming home for R&R" he said. I was hysterical. I was crying, I was running around with the phone stuck to my ear listening to him explain why he wanted to surprise me as I was gathering shoes and coats and boys. We had exactly 3 hours before Mark was going to be at the airport and I was a mess and so was the house. So the boys and I ran home, cleaned the house and changed out of church clothes and raced to the airport.
I'm not going to lie, it has been amazing having him here at home. I have been nervous and worried about him returning home. I have been afraid that he would suffer from some sort of PTSD, or isolate himself from the family like I have been hearing from the other wives here who have made it through a few more deployments than I have. Honestly I couldn't have asked for a better two weeks. The boys still had to go to school and we still had to follow a routine, and the soldier fell right into place as daddy and husband. The first few days he was tired, and I mean TIRED. That whole living on the other side of the world thing had his time off for a while. Slowly he adjusted. I also had to adjust a bit as well. I had to release some control and allow him to take over some duties. It's hard to let go of control--especially for me--the Control Freak.
But we fell right in step with each other and all my fears were put to rest.
Now when he comes home for good in just a few more months I will know what to expect more. Now the countdown for June has started and I can't hardly wait!
Oh, by the way, while the hubby was home, I have been preparing and training harder for the Susan G. Komen Race for The Cure that's coming up this next month. I have been running harder and perfecting my run time. The race is coming up on May 7th and I want to be ready! I received my race shirt and number the other day in the mail  and it's got me so excited! The race is starting to feel more real. I can't wait to get out there with hundreds of women and men wearing pink and all running for the same purpose. I can hardly wait for the day!
So these next few months will hopefully swing by with great speed and before long I will get to be a wife once again and my boys will get to have a Daddy-Monster. (that's what we call him for fun-just so you know)
The boys are about to start Spring Break tomorrow. Yippie-skippie. My spirit is renewed and I feel a strong sense of hope. I can do this. Bring it on.

A time to be healthy and a time to feel like poop

I made such a mistake in my last blog. I asked the fatal question, "Can things get any worse"? And as we all know, that was a stupid question. I tempted the gods and I got my answer. Yes. Things can get worse.
Last Friday I got a call from the school. It was my middle son. He was feeling--as he put it--queasy. He had thrown up in class on himself. Lovely.
I tell you what! It all went down hill from there. The weekend was filled with all three kids being sick. There was fever, throwing up and lots and lots of coughing. By Sunday I had heard enough of the coughing to get all of us dressed in something more than t-shirts and undies and drove us to the Urgent Care unit down the street.
Turns out it wasn't pneumonia like I was afraid of, thank goodness. It was just a, "nasty virus" that caused my two oldest boys' asthma to be stimulated. Okay. That's not too bad, right? We have a nebulizer at home. We have coughing syrup and children's Advil too. This might be a nasty virus but we can kick this crap in no time.
That's what I thought anyway. The virus had other plans. They ALL missed school on Monday. By Tuesday my oldest had kicked his illness and got to return to school. Yay! But, My other two were still running high fevers and coughing. I started feeling crappy over the weekend, and by Tuesday I was feeling pretty yucky. As a matter of fact, I could feel my chest starting to feel tight and I was fighting a strong urge to cough my head off. By Wednesday, I had had enough. My two poor little boys were STILL running fevers and coughing and I was running a fever and coughing right along with them. Being mom isn't always easy, but being the mommy and being really sick still doesn't excuse you from all mommy duties. (sigh) So off we went to the urgent care unit again.
I checked us ALL in to be seen by the doctor. Don't get me wrong, we all were seen, but the boys got the help they needed. I did not. It was determined that my two boys have a viral bronchitis. Me? "oh you're just fine. Your lungs sound nice and clear". I guess it didn't matter that I told the doctor when I cough my lungs burn like fire. Oh, THAT'S not important! We were sent out the door with two prescriptions. One prescription per ill boy. Nothing for the mommy.
I was furious! I had to go home and let the boys lay down and take a rest. They were BURNING with fevers and needed to rest. Meanwhile, I called my regular MD and made an appointment for myself. By Golly! Somebody is going to pay attention to the fact that I am SICK! I made a decision that I will not walk out of the doctor's office without a prescription for an antibiotic. Period.
A few hours later, and dragging (literally) two ailing children with me to the doctor's office (again) I got what I needed.
My question is: why does it have to sound like a pool of water is flowing through my chest before the doctors believe that my lungs hurt when I cough? I stopped smoking years ago, once upon a time I used to get bronchitis every winter. The doctors informed me that I wouldn't get bronchitis so much if I would just quit. So over time, I did eventually quit, but I KNOW what bronchitis feels like. Just like I KNOW what it feels like to be pregnant. I have been down that road. I know how it feels. I know my body!
Okay, I'll stop ranting on the dumb asses we call doctors. I just think it's sad that I had to go THREE times to get the right diagnosis.
Speaking of which, I am in total anticipation of my alternative doctor appointment for next week. I get to have more blood drawn! Yippie! That may sound sarcastic and it is partially. I am not looking forward to opening another vein BUT I am looking forward to having some new tests ran. All in the name to find a diagnosis for these damned body aches.
Know what's funny? Well, not funny "ha-ha", but funny ironic? I have been suffering with the body aches all week long. Only this time it's come with a fever! So in a sense, I can finally say I am legitimately sick. I can rationalize my body aches this week with a valid disease. It's nice to be able to put my finger on a disease this week and say, "THIS IS WHAT'S WRONG! (this week)".
Well today my oldest went to school like he has done since last Tuesday. My other two have woken up this morning with absolutely NO FEVERS whatsoever! Cool as cucumbers, they are! I could do the happy dance if I felt like getting up. I still feel like there is a fire in my lungs when I cough, and of course my body aches. But really, deep down inside I am doing the football shuffle. I couldn't be more happy! I think these boys might get to make an appearance at school tomorrow! Yippie-freaking-skippie!! Cause man do I need a break from kids for a moment. I have been stuck in Kiddie-Land since last Friday. Man do I miss grown ups. I mean grown ups that aren't doctors.
So here is to Friday (tomorrow) THANK GOD FOR FRIDAY, YO!
Really, I am doing an inner Macarena right now.
TGIF everybody!!

New doctor, new diagnosis :o)

I have some exciting news I believe. Out of frustration from my body aches that come and go, I went to see a different kind of doctor today. She leans more to the alternative side of medicine. Her practice was advised to me by a good friend of mine whose mother has experienced these mystery body aches as well. What a day to have to go see a new doctor though. I have been up since 4 am. I don't know about some of you but I'm a real grump at four in the morning. I also will not usually get to go back to sleep if I wake up so early. I didn't wake up voluntarily! My sweet little eight year old who suffers from insomnia almost as bad as I do was the culprit. He woke up and woke me up and neither of us could  go back to sleep. Between the two of us and our grumpy attitudes, we were a real pair this morning.
Anyway, because I had one over-tired kid and one that isn't in school yet, I had to take two of my three kids with me to this appointment. Needless to say I was in a mood and considered calling this whole appointment off and rescheduling for a different day. Glad I didn't.

I discovered a few interesting things.  When regular people have their blood tested for anything--anything at all--having "okay" results means just that. They are "Okay". Let's say I go in and have my cholesterol tested, and let's just say for the sake of this example 40 is good and 80 is bad. If my results come back as 79, then I am considered to have good, normal or okay results. No treatment would be prescribed. At THIS particular clinic a 79 is not considered good, normal or okay. They would consider this 79 as borderline bad and it would be treated. My new physician told me today that they strive for their patients to have optimal care. So she has ordered my previous blood test results from other doctors offices, and she also wants to see my MRI results that was done on my back from 6 months ago. I have chronic back pain from bulging disks and scoliosis that--six months ago--was debilitating. The doctor I was referred to at the time for chronic pain relief is kind of a jerk. He didn't bother to treat my pain with any physical therapy. He just handed me a prescription that causes so many other problems that I have to take a handful of other pills just to treat the side effects. Nice, huh?

As for these body aches, she has a theory that threw me for a loop. She thinks it may be that my body produces too much yeast. Yes, I said yeast.
I'm sure I had a very confused look on my face when she told me this. So she asked me, "do you crave sugar?" Oh my gosh YES! I don't just want it sometimes, I CRAVE it. I binge on it if I think I can get away with it.
She asked me if I have chronic dry skin. Why yes I do! I've had doctors tell me it's eczema. Another doctor has told me it's allergies. My new physician thinks it's a symptom of my body producing too much yeast. Another physical symptom from this yeast thing is body aches. These cursed body aches may not be from Mono at all. So she wants to see all my blood test results from my other doctors. When she has them all she will know what she wants to further test my blood for. She wants to run a hormonal test. She wants to see if there is something she can do about my insomnia too while she's at it.. Perhaps my body isn't making enough happy hormones as she called them. Serotonin. After women have babies, our bodies go through all sorts of hormonal changes. She thinks mine might be out of whack. Sheesh! I can tell they are and I don't need no stinking blood tests for that!
I am delighted that I have finally found a doctor that will test me for things that are beyond what other doctors have tried before in the past. I am just not too happy with my newest diagnosis: It Might Be Mono. I have, in the past, asked for specific blood tests and doctors have refused. I asked my doctors to test my hormone levels before. I never got the reason why they didn't want to. I just know they didn't. There has to be a test out there somewhere that can give us a clue as to what is wrong with my body. I am 34 years old and I take medications like I'm 90. I take an insane amount of medications everyday and not only are these medications expensive, but they are time consuming. I have to keep up with my pills with a pill planner. I take AM pills, PM pills, and BEDTIME pills. It's insane. Taking this many medications a day makes me feel like an old lady.
 Between my pills, and my eight year old's pills and my seven year old's pills, we have consumed an entire cabinet in the kitchen just to hold all our bottles. Every week I spend up to half an hour planning out all our pills for the next week. And don't forget that I'm driving back and forth to the pharmacy to drop off prescriptions and pick them up every week too. It's VERY time consuming! I say, if I can get to the source of all my real medical issues and treat them properly instead of throwing pills at my symptoms, then I say let's do it!

I pray that this will help me in the long run and this new doctor can help me. I need something in my life to be simpler because seriously, can it get any harder?
 WAIT!
 Don't answer that!

Taking myself off the back burner now...

I have to admit. I haven't been taking as good care of myself as I had once originally hoped for at the beginning of the year. My efforts have slipped. Especially this month. I have been stressed out to the max these past couple of weeks. My oldest son has been driving me through Crazy Town on a regular basis. You know, Crazy Town? Where he is the mayor? It's not a pretty place to visit. And let's not forget to add an honorable mention here. My middle son was needing a medication change and those are always fun. Switching up medications over a weekend is like as much fun as pulling out your own teeth.

Oh! I can't forget that a very important occasion needed to be observed. My four year old boy had a birthday! He is now my FIVE year old boy. That was a party that--alike his brothers' birthday parties during this deployment--was thrown together at the last minute. I baked a quick cake and invited a small group of friends to McDonald's to share in the once in a life time event. I bought him a birthday gift. Wrapping it wasn't skipped on purpose, I honestly ran out of time and couldn't find the wrapping paper. Nevertheless, he turned another year older and had a great time blowing out his candles.

Also, I have just recently had a seriously scary financial crisis.  I don't plan to explain this one at this time but please know it has been...uh...resolved? Pretty much. So again let me repeat: The situation has been taken care of. We are going to be fine. At the time that this crap happened though, I was really freaked out. Anxiety and stress and the whole nine yards. THANK GOD it's over with. Well sorta, but thank God I kept it together. I just had to remember where I kept the shovel so I could start digging us out when the poop started to fall. Jeeze, if anything could go wrong during this deployment, it has. Talk about a learning experience. I feel as if I have aged beyond my actual years. I will be so happy when this is all over with.

Oh yeah, and about this same time I also had a tooth ache. Not just any toothache. I'm talking a tooth ACHE! It was of incredible magnitude. It came at the most perfect moment, wouldn't you say? Here I am up to my eyeballs in financial poop and new meds and stubborn kids when all of a sudden, BAM! The left side of my face was stricken with such a pain that I fantasized breaking out my lower jaw just to find relief. I had to swing over to my local dentist...((shudder)) to get some pain killers and antibiotics. The pain is no longer there but it still twinges a bit when I chew on the left side. I am just going to have to bite the bullet (so to speak) and go to the dentist to have this taken care of properly. It's going to involve drills and the reclining chair of doom so I'm not in too much a hurry to get it done. I hate dentists.
Let's not forget that somewhere in all this I had to make breakfasts, and dinners and wash loads of laundry and get the dishes done. Life doesn't stop even though sometimes you would give anything to have the remote control in your hands. Just one more hour of sleep would be outstanding sometimes, you know?

Needless to say, it's been a crazy month and like I have said before, I haven't been taking care of myself like I had once intended to do. I have been distracted. I haven't been meditating too much and I need to, and I know it. I haven't been keeping up with my yoga so much and I need to, and I know it. I have been getting a workout in the mornings to ready myself for the Susan G. Komen Race For The Cure coming up in May but it hasn't stopped the four pounds I have put on. Those lovely little pounds have stress-eating written all over them.
It's time to get myself back on track. Time to meditate more. I have been including a prayer everyday because that's what I have decided to do for this season of Lent, but it's time to get back to doing what's good for my spirit and my soul and sooth my anxiety and stress.
I sat for 15 minuets today and meditated. Yes, that's all I did. But hey something is better than nothing, right? I plan to hit the hay early tonight because I didn't get a lot of sleep last night and neither did my oldest son who also suffers from insomnia. So guess who is a grouchy brat today? Me! That's who. My oldest boy is quite the grumbling old meanie too. We could all use a good night's sleep. I think meditating again before I lay my head down tonight may help my restless brain.
Periodically making time for one's sanity and serenity, even if it's something as simple as quiet meditation, is still productivity. This month so far has been full of busyness and stress. This is Jayme making a vow to slow down now for her own good.
It may not be a bad idea if somebody could check in on me though just to be sure I'm following through for myself. I have a tendency to put myself off.
Here is to a better 12 more days of March. Good luck to us all.

Sorry for the long silence there

Hey there. I know it's been a while but I have a good reason for my absence. A very good reason! I've been busy.
I finally got an official diagnosis for my body aches and I am proud to say that it's not Fibro Myalgia or something long term. It's mono. It's just stupid mono. The kissing disease. No, I haven't been kissing anybody unless you can count the smooches I give the boys when I tuck them in at night.
Yes, mono is contagious. No, the doctor doesn't think I need to have the boys tested unless they begin to show symptoms, and oddly enough they seem okay.
The only thing that has really been bothering me the last few days is a toothache. My gosh, I just can't catch a break from all these aches and pains. Toothaches and tooth pain in general is very under rated. You never really grasp the whole toothache concept until it's your tooth that is aching, and then suddenly you are reminded of just how excruciating and evil toothaches are. It's Satan having a ball in you mouth and he brought all Hell with him.
Turns out, my toothache is coming from an abscessed tooth. I had a root canal done years ago and had a crown put in place. Well, according to the dentist who saw me last Friday (and the dentist who performed said root canal), I will need to see a specialist because the canal that was done was not done done deep enough, and now--years later-- I have an infection. Oh goody. More dental work.
Something you should know about me. I'm a total sissy when it comes to the dentist. I kid you not! I have been known to cry and shake involuntarily just to get a cleaning. I have serious dentist-phobia. I'm scared to death of having to do anything dental. My dislike for the dentist is up there with my repulsion for laundry and cock roaches. I very seriously dislike the dentist and that reclining chair of fear, but I cannot live with this mouth pain any longer. I have been taking unbelievable amounts of Lortab to find relief, and I don't like the side effects of Lortab, but really, it's time to pick my poison, know what I mean?
So tomorrow I will giving this "specialist" a call. I need to get this taken care of and soon.  I'm almost out of pain killers and the antibiotics I am taking are like...HUGE! I can't believe they make pills this big! It looks like a toy pill. You know, like it was made too big on purpose because its a toy or something? But this pill is real. I swear, I'm gonna go measure this thing. I bet it's like a whole square inch or something. It's ridiculous.

Anyway, the benefit of being on these pain killers is that I haven't felt the body aches in a while. Eight days to be exact. Ha ha ha!! Take THAT you stupid body aches! (I don't know why I said that.)

The boys are doing well pretty much. I was recently instructed to have my middle son discontinue taking his stimulant ADHD medication for two days because his Tourretts was creeping back in. When the doctor told me to stop giving him the medication (Concerta) I was like, huh? What about school? I guess he won't be going to school then? And nope, he didn't. He can't go to school UNmedicated. He won't sit in his chair. He will roll on the floor. He won't pay attention to the teacher. He will hum nonstop and completely tune her out. He will be a huge distraction for his poor teacher and all his classmates. It's a good thing I have good communication with his teacher. I was able to explain all this to her without having to explain it too much. It's a good thing she is an understanding woman, because to have my kid stay at home for two days when technically he's not "sick" is for some teachers unacceptable.
He has started on a new medication called Focalin. I still need to Google this medication and do my reading about it, but it's another stimulant drug that is made for ADHD. So he is taking the very lowest dose of the stimulant medication as well as a non-stimulant medication called Strattera. All this because he has ADHD AND Tourrets, and if you have ADHD AND Tourrets it's hard to find a medication that fits "just right". You see, the stimulant medication will controle the ADHD, but it will make the Tourrets symptoms exaggerated. Almost worse. So my son has to take the very lowest dose of stimulant medication out there, and unfortunatly it usually isn't enough to control his ADHD symptoms. That's why the non-stimulant is added. Of course you may be wondering why can't he just take the non-stimulant only? Well, it's not enough to control the symptoms either. Of course not. That would be too easy. That would make this whole ADHD medication thing a breeze, and we can't have that now can we???
So I have been able to witness my boy unmedicated for the past couple of days and Whew! I had forgotten about a few things he does when unmedicated. For example, he chews on his shirts. No joke, he will eat a hole through his shirt like a little mouse. And he bounces All. The. Time. Did I mention he bounces all the time? Well, he bounces all. the. time. It's like he has springs on the bottom of his feet. Have you ever seen the movie Flubber? The boys on the basketball team are just bouncing all over the court high and fast. That's my son. Just boing, boing, boing everywhere. He simply cannot hold still. And the impulsitivity. Wowsers!! He doesn't think about anything first, he just does it. That's all there is to it.
On the plus side though, he ate. He ate and ate and ate! He ate so much that first day I was shocked his stomach didn't explode. Maybe I should include medication holidays more often? That being said, I think I can only handle a medication holiday if it's done one kid at a time. To have all kids unmedicated at the same time is like shooting myself in the foot. Stupid and painful. So maybe I will start having them take it in turns? Hmm...we'll see.

Anyway, I need to get off here and head to bed, but one last thing before I go. I am happy to announce that I am officially registered for the Susan G. Komen, Race For The Cure 3K coming up in May. I will be running for my mother. I have felt so helpless in knowing that my mother is going through chemotherapy for breast cancer and here I am so many states away and unable to even give her a hug. I love you, mom!! You are so brave and so strong! I rest easy at night because I know my mother has an angel watching over her night and day. My step dad is quite possibly the most amazing man. He guards over her and takes care of her and I thank God she has him in her life. She has an amazing team of support all around her actually. She is going to make it through this, I have faith.
You never know how strong you are till it's the only choice you have. I love you, mom!
Go!
Fight!
WIN!

I'll write more later but.....

It's been a REALLY, REALLY, REALLY busy week. No kidding. Kids are driving me nuts. Their medications are driving them nuts and my official diagnosis is Mononucleosis. Okay....going to go crash into my pillow.

If this is a war, then who's winning?

Okay I have gone a few days now with no aches or pains. The past few times the aches have bothered me, they were reading pretty low on the pain scale, but today, oh man! Today they are kicking my butt. I woke up this morning and it took forever to get out of bed. I was SO tired. I felt like a thousand pounds. I weighed myself, but nope. I was not a thousand pounds, but I sure felt it. Walking up and down the stairs this morning was unusually tiresome, but I wasn't feeling the aches yet so I didn't think anything of it except that I was having a rough morning.
So like usual, after I dropped off the boys at school I headed over to the gym to meet with with my friend, Holly. She has insisted that I join her in the mornings for a short workout, and if you know me then you know this is a pretty big deal. I am in no stretch of the imagination what we could call a "morning person". Perky people in the morning, in my opinion, need a good nail through the head. I'm allergic to moving too fast, smiling, or talking in a civil fashion before my first cup of coffee, but the morning time is the only time I have during my day to do any working out. So I agreed to meet her in the mornings for a workout in spite of it all. Besides, I need to get into shape for the Susan G. Komen Race For The Cure 5K coming up in a few months. Ain't nothing in the world--even these cursed body aches--gonna stop me from participating in this marathon. Nothing. I will be there in a freaking wheel chair so help me!
So there I was this morning, on the elliptical machine, while my 4 year old walked on the treadmill beside me and Holly on the other treadmill on the other side of me when all of a sudden....there they were. Those damned body aches. They came on with such a ferociousness that it had me wondering. What in the heck? Was it my work out that made them come on so hard and fast? Was it because they have been so light and bearable the past few times that I thought they were on their way out? Is it because they didn't want me to go thinking that I was winning this war? Because I thought I was winning, but right at this moment I feel like they are kicking my ass right into the ground. Just typing hurts. But honestly, it's either type and keep my brain occupied or die from boredom while watching Go Diego Go with my four year old.
I think actually I am going to take a nap now. I am starting to feel like I can sleep, or at least lay down and rest. These aches are so bad right now that I'm giving up and resting. It's a short school day today and that means the boys will be home earlier than usual. I need to be rested and ready. I need to sit and feel sorry for myself for a while. I need to cry and wonder what in the crazy hell is wrong with my body still and why won't these aches go away and leave me alone? I just need to get it out of the way now because when the kids get home later I will need to be over this cry-baby stage. You think they will feel sorry for me? Think again. You think they will make dinner for me?
Yeah, right. Dream on. Mommy doesn't get a day off.
Being the mommy sucks sometimes.

Happy news??

I just had to let you guys know this. I'm very excited about this. I made dinner today!
That's not the good news. The good news is that I made dinner with body aches!
Wait....that's not the good news either. The GOOD NEWS is that the body aches weren't so bad tonight that I couldn't make dinner!
THAT'S the good news!
The body aches are still coming every week, every few days or so but they hurting less and less. So what does this mean???? Has this really just been a wonky virus and it's run to the end of it's course? Am I simply getting used to the pain? I hope...and pray often...that these dumb aches are on their way out and by golly I won't be sad to see the backside of them!
Okay, I just had to blog about this happy news real fast. Now to go to bed because I do still in fact feel sort of crappy and I need rest. Nighty-night all!

Just Do It---Later.

I have been so lazy lately. How lazy am I? I'll tell you! I have been so lazy that I can't even carry a thought even if it came with a handle. Ha ha....okay, okay. That was a lame one, I know, but seriously, I have been incredibly lazy. Maybe it's my lack of energy?
 Maybe it's because other areas of my life have kept me so busy that I look around and see other things aren't getting done? Yep, that sounds logical.
God knows my kids keep me in a constant state of perpetual busy when they are home, but I have not been getting things done. Like the laundry. But laundry sucks and there is never an end to that task anyway so....oh well! I also haven't been cleaning the house. The carpet is in such need of a good vacuuming that I can't walk across it without something getting stuck to my feet. How grodey is that, I ask you? I don't always do the dishes either. Dishes get washed in the dishwasher and then I get too lazy to unload them. So they sit in the washer. Meanwhile, the dirty dishes start to pile up in the sink till I finally breakdown and correct the problem, but then the cycle starts all over again.
I've even taken to just posting on my Facebook in an effort to avoid my e-mails and--unfortunately--blogging on here. But the other aspects of my life have been good and busy. For instance, I brought my deep freezer over to the house from my garage. It wasn't easy. It was heavy. What the reason for that you may wonder?  It was laziness inspired. I'm so tired of walking back and forth to the garage when I need something from out of it. Or after I get home from grocery shopping and I need to put all the frozen stuff away and I have to walk it all out to the garage. It's so much more convenient to have the freezer here in the house even though my townhouse is rather smallish and there's not a lot room for a deep freezer. But that brings me to another non-lazy thing I've done lately.
I have gone grocery shopping. I actually sat down and made an official list of all the things we have been needing for a while. Then I thumbed through my coupons with scissors in hand and cut out all the needed coupons. But this action was also laziness inspired. I'm so lazy that making dinner sucks, but driving somewhere with the boys after school sucks just as bad as standing there in the kitchen and cooking. So to resolve this problem I bought lots of "instant" meals. I found lots of precooked-"just stick it in the oven/microwave and boom you have dinner" meals. This helps when I have the body aches too so it's a major plus.
I spent Saturday paying bills. Saturday morning I sat my butt down on the couch with no intention of moving it. So I figured I could do some multi-tasking the lazy way. So I sat there being lazy while paying bills online at the same time. I know, I'm such a ball of pure energy, right?
Do you remember the old Nike slogan: Just Do It! It was written across everything. Television commercials, billboards, and even tee-shirts. Some years ago I remember seeing a tee-shirt that was mocking to the old slogan. Instead of the usual Nike sneakers, there was a picture of messy, untied loafers and over the picture it said: Just Do It Later. I liked that tee-shirt and in some ways it has become my own personal slogan. I have been scratching off some things off my 'to-do' list but not a lot. And certainly not a lot per day. I guess you could say I have slowed down to a nice crawl. When my husband was home, I would go and go and go. He complained that I never took enough time for myself. That my going and going would make me exhausted and grumpy, and he was right. I was. Now that he isn't here I have no choice but to do everything all by myself. I will go and go and go to get as much done as I can in a day. But ever since the body aches have entered my life and I recognize them for what they are--and that fighting them is pointless--I have submitted to a lazier way of life.
I have quit doing the dishes everyday. I go to bed with dishes in the sink! I never used to do that before. I have laundry that piles up to mountainous proportions. I have snoozes on the couch in the middle of the afternoon. Once upon a time, like before the aches came, napping was impossible due to my insomnia. No kidding, sleeping during the day was almost impossible. So much of this is because of the body aches. It's pretty amazing to me how these cursed aches have changed my way of life. My lifestyle. My home. My kids.

I have encouraged the kids to help me out more simply because I cannot do it. I haven't the energy. I've bribed, begged, or demanded the boys into unloading the dishwasher, setting the table for dinner, or cleaning out the cat's litter box. I even had the oldest fold an entire basket of laundry once! But that was mostly because he was wanting to earn more playing time on the Wii. But the fact is, they are helping out more. Sorta. Just a smidge, maybe, but more nonetheless.
I'm not sure if this laziness is good or not. If you're a guest just stopping by for a visit to my home? It's bad. If you're a body ache that has decided to take up residence in my body for a day or two, I guess it's good. But all things considered, I have definitely learned to slow down a great deal. So I guess my personal slogan is: I'll Just Do It Later When The Body Aches Aren't Hurting. Think it's catchy?
Yeah, me neither.

A Spot Of Bother

So what the devil has Jayme been up to?
 I have been busy. Or sad. Or both. And I haven’t blogged days. I just haven’t had much to say. Or I haven’t wanted to say anything because when I do it’s not happy. Or positive. It’s pretty down right negative, actually. My life has just hit a super hard spot, that’s all. It’s just a spot of trouble. That sounds okay when I put it like that actually.
The kids are making life difficult at the moment. Darn them! I only have three kids but they seem like more sometimes. Especially my oldest. He is like three kids in one all by himself. My mom once said, “When (my oldest) is in the room, there isn’t much room for anybody else.” and honestly that’s the best way to put it. He is like SO MUCH. It’s not that he’s fat or even slightly large. It’s just that he has this personality that makes him large. He is loud and bossy and dominating and whiny and angry and volatile, and that’s just on a regular day-to-day basis. I mean, yeah sure, some days he can be kind and loving--but never quiet and never meek. There isn’t a meek bone in this kid’s entire body.
As of late, the kids are back to their old tricks. They argue about everything. They hit each other. Somebody is always in tears at some point. Including me, and I am going crazy. My oldest boy has been up to HIS old tricks with a new gusto. He lies to me about everything. He takes things that don’t belong to him. He hides EVERYTHING from me. Did I mention he hides things? I mean anything. Homework, candy, stolen toys, broken toys and if you can believe this, he hides empty candy wrappers because, “they smell like candy”. I found an empty gum package under his mattress today. When I asked him why it was hidden away he told me that he just liked the smell of it.
*sigh*
I’m not sure if I can burden anymore crap. It’s getting crazy. I’m going crazy. All kidding aside, I was ready to drive myself to a hospital last Sunday and turn myself in as a mental patient. The one thing that was stopping me was, “who will watch after my kids? Would my husband have to come home“? The answer to that question would certainly be yes. How pathetic is that? My husband would have to come home to take care of his insane wife and crazy kids. So I knew I was going to have to shoulder the weight and keep going, but how? I was--as my friend Laurie put it--sucking my thumb and rocking back and forth. Not literally, but I was definitely at the crazy, blubbering stage. I was furious with my oldest for being like the meanest kid ever. I’de had enough of his talking back and his argumentative, disrespectful behavior. I was so mad at that kid I was ready to box his crap up in a suitcase and ship him to Chicago to live with his grandmother. I was ready to ship him ANYWHERE for that matter. He had me so angry that I was crying. He was so angry that HE was crying. This was on Sunday morning remember, and all this arguing took place before church had even started that morning. So much anger and it wasn’t even 10 am yet. I had to sit in the car in the church parking lot for a while after we had arrived at the church just so I could get it together and walk inside.
Thankfully yesterday we had a visit from out family counselor, Mr. Craig. I explained to him that things here have been a bit rough. I talked him through the events that have been taking place here in my personal little mad-house here, and he listened patiently. Once I had gone through each sucky little thing , recalled with complete and lengthy clarity, he asked me a few questions. Like have I been using the reward/discipline system he and I had devised a few months ago? Well, yes and no. I have been using it to a point but after a while I’ve kind of slacked. Without Mr. Craig visiting three times a week like he used to, I haven’t had to answer to anybody to confirm that I have been following it religiously. But yes I have still been using it……pretty much.
It worked better when Mr. Craig was holding me accountable, and that’s true. Sad but true. I should hold myself accountable, right? It’s not always easy though. Sometimes it easier to just let it slide then address the kids arguing about who’s turn it is to ride in the front seat on the way to school….for the hundredth time. It’s easier to just yell at the kid who refuses to come to the table for dinner than remind him….again…. that he is supposed to be working on following instructions and then remind him……again….what his reward will be IF he can follow instructions like a good boy and earn 15 “good boy” stickers for the day.
Why does everything always have to be so hard when it comes to raising these kids? That’s something I would honestly like to know. Why do my boys always have to learn everything the hard way? And why can’t they learn their lessons the first time? Why, oh why, does it take my kids multiple lessons to “get it”? I’m not talking like a couple of times here, folks! I’m talking about time and time again. I swear, they still seem completely surprised that every morning they are expected to get dressed before school. Or eat their food at dinner time. Or stay in their chairs for meals! Or that rolling around on the floor of the grocery store is unacceptable behavior in public. Or that they are supposed to get inside the car and sit down NOT take off down the sidewalk and run as fast as they can and completely ignore the mother yelling after them. Or that the mother who was yelling after them to come back is now the fuming, angry lady beside them and she has the power to ground them for the rest of the day whether they thinks it‘s fair or not. They still forget that it’s the mom who’s in charge and it’s the mom who has the authority.
It’s also the mom who has to make some serious changes….again…to get this family back to some sort of functioning state. I have decided, after some huge soul searching, that I still need to simplify my life. You know how when a kid’s grades start to fail, sometimes it’s good to cut out extra curricular activities? Well after some very serious soul searching and back and forth decision making, I have decided to step down from my FRG activities coordinator position. I had an FRG meeting this afternoon so I decided this would be a good time and place to officially announce my decision. I need to apply all my focus toward these kids and this family. This was not an easy choice for me because I have loved being the FRG activities coordinator. It truly has been my joy, my honor, to be apart of the Family Readiness Group. I have loved gathering supplies, finding donations, and yes, even fund raising, and feeling the importance of being apart of the team. And not just ANY team!! The Family Readiness Group! We are a coordinated bunch of Army wives. I have always felt pride that I can be a mom, a wife--an Army wife--and be the FRG activities coordinator at the same time. But I just can’t kid myself anymore. I can’t do everything I want to do AND be the best mom I can be. And priorities being what they are, I chose to step down.
Am I sad? Yes.
Am I really, really sad? You'd better believe it.
Am I going to change my mind and try to keep juggling it all? No. I can’t.
I have to put my family on the front burner and keep it there so I can continuously stir the pot. This family just won’t survive if I don’t. I don’t want to be that horrible lady who landed herself on the evening news who has been arrested for actually leaving her kids in the mountains, hoping they didn’t find their way back home.
I don’t want to be a bad mother. I don’t want to be the mother who keeps resorting to yelling at the kids. I don’t want to just survive this deployment. I want to live!
Heck, I don’t want to just survive my kids’ childhood. I want to enjoy it! I want to actually enjoy being the mother of these boys.
I know that this is all apart of the whole “recreating Jayme” thing and that I’m doing the right thing to improve my life. I know, I know, I know! I get it, okay? So why does this part of re-creating me suck a 10 on the suck-o-meter?
Don’t answer that, okay?
I know the answer.

Just a quick note here then I'm off!

Just a quick little update here and then I'm going to do some yoga before I am bombarded with little boys and homework and making dinner and blah, blah, blah...

I called an attorney today to find some legal help. I am having so much trouble selling my house in Kansas City that finally I have decided to add some legal beef in my corner. *sigh*  It's pretty sad that it's come to this. But hey! I'll do whatever it takes. That house is quite possibly the biggest headache I have ever faced. I feel like David and the house is Goliath. Oh great, now just watch. I'm going to have David and Goliath dreams. Mark my words! Stupid house.

Also, I have decided to dig out an old journal of mine and start writing in it again. Only instead of writing out my feelings, I am going to record what I ate for each meal, and how many hours I slept the night before. I will include things like the weather, if my sleep was good or not, and even my weight. Whatever I think should be recorded because it's time to start pin-pointing the source of my body aches. I'm not taking this shit lying down anymore. It's time to get proactive! I have decided that enough is enough. I don't want to get all achy and sore and think, "Oh great. I'm sick again". Then go to the doctor only to be told that nothing is wrong...again. This IS NOT all in my head! I can feel the aches like I have a sickness equal to the flu or a bad cold, and personally speaking, for a woman who is of good health and only in her 30's, I shouldn't be feeling this way. As the Carley Simon song goes, ..."I haven't got time for the pain.." At least, I think that's a Carley song? What do you think, mom?

And as far as taking care of myself, I have also decided to do some walking in the mornings at my little apartment community gym. 20 mins shouldn't hurt, right? I have a friend who is insisting I give it a try. So I will meet her there in the mornings and we can walk together on the little apartment community treadmills. She's a good friend. She always supplies me with good conversation so it's a win/win!

So now let's see, Yoga, meditation, and now walking. Oh and I am going to get my monthly massage next week. See? I am taking good care of myself. At least, I'm trying anyway. Oh yeah! I'm off to do some light yoga now so....Tah-tah!

Busy, busy, busy

Okay, I was about to post this really nice blog about how my day was so nice and my body aches have subsided so I was finally able to catch up on my mountain of laundry and stacks of dishes. I was about to blog about how I went back to the doctor yesterday and had more blood tests done with the hopes of discovering the source of my body aches only to learn that...again...my tests were all normal. I was going to blog about how even though I am frustrated because I still don't know what's wrong with my body, I still had a very nice day. I cleaned up my messy house and even found the time make a nice dinner that my boys ate, and for them...that's really something! I was thrilled!
(Their ADHD meds usually keep them from being hungry, you see.)
 I wanted to write out a really nice blog updating everybody on how well the day went, but just as I sat down to type this all out the phone rang and it was the hubby, and if your hubby is thousands of miles away, living in a war zone, you answer the call. We talked for about half an hour, making plans for the future, and discussing our handsome little men. We talked about how we love each other, and we miss each other, and we can't wait to be together again.
So basically, priorities being what they are, I'm now out of time to blog about all this stuff. It's after 10 pm and I need to read down some chapters from the book I've been reading, and then drift off to dream-land.. Maybe I will get some time tomorrow?
I dunno.
What can I say?
 I'm a busy woman.

Happy Saturday to you...

Good very early morning to you all and happy Saturday. I am kind of tired, but I have to be up kind of early so I can go get the coffee from Starbucks. They happily are donating coffee to my FRG (Family Readiness Group) so we can serve it to the soldiers. Today is what is called SRP-time. All the soldiers have to perform certain physical tests--blood included--and to update all their information. Have they moved in the last few months? Did they get married? Divorced? Have a baby? All their information must be updated and it takes an entire weekend to get it done. It's a lengthy process and so that is where my FRG unit steps in. We sell  food and drinks to the soldiers. It's a fundraiser of sorts for our FRG unit. All this money goes towards our military family get-togethers and at the moment, those get-togethers are happening on a monthly basis. Deployment sucks. It's the FRG's job to make deploment more bearable.

Some of us don't have family here where we are, and we feel incomplete without our soldier home. So we Army families become one strong, extended family. Some of us need that security in friendship. It's good to have a friend that knows what it's like to be all alone on the weekends and holidays and birthdays and graduations and anniversaries. It feels good to have a friend that thinks it's normal to be driving down the road and then without reason you just burst into irrational tears--just because. Or considers it normal to go through the entire closet smelling each of his shirts just to find his scent lingering on one of them. A friend who is going through the same boring, crazy, lonely, or scary moments like you, and they are there to help hold you up or lend you an ear--or shoulder--because you do the same for them.

This is why I am up just a little bit early. I'm getting ready for this SRP fundraiser. I hope it's somewhat successful. We are going to be serving cinnamon rolls, orange juice, coffee and sodas for breakfast, and then for lunch we plan to serve chili. I got up at 5:30 to get the ice for the coolers and the coffee from Starbucks.
So here I am sitting on the couch all finished getting ready. My hair is done and face is washed and my teeth are brushed, and now I'm waiting for the clock to say 7:00am. That's when I plan to go wake up my oldest boy and get him dressed. He is coming with me. The other two boys are going to stay here and sleep in and hang out with their sitter. I need to take my oldest with me because, dang-it, I can't trust him. I hate that I can't trust this kid any farther than I can throw him, but it is what it is. I told him it's because he's my big helper and he's so strong. He--thankfully--was willing to help. Okay, sometimes, I am really proud of that kid. Sometimes he can be a wonderful, kind and loving soul. It's just waaaaay down in there and needs a lot of coaxing to come up the surface. Sometimes there are days that I don't actually want to strangle the last breath out of him. Some days are better than others.

Last night before I went to bed, I did some new Yoga poses, and then sat down to meditate immediately after. It had such a powerful effect. It was like nothing I had experienced before. At first I imagined myself kissing each of my children. I could feel exactly the way their foreheads feel against my lips and their exact body weight and the way they feel in my arms when I hug them. Then just as I finished, I felt myself rise above and beyond them. I could feel myself growing smaller as I became surrounded by the endless, vast enormity of who I am in this world... in time. I felt so tiny, but yet without me--somehow--time can not continue. Without each of us in our own place in this world...in time, we cannot be complete. I can't explain it better than that. It was powerful. I couldn't feel my body. I couldn't feel my hands. It had been left behind as I realized my place in time and in this world and in Heaven and on earth.

All my anxiety, for a moment, was forgotten. It was unimportant. It was insignificant. It was just--stuff. Then all at once I came back to myself, to my body. I felt my hands and the weight of my body. I saw the soft glow from the lamp from behind my closed eyelids.When I opened my eyes, I felt lighter. Like I had released a pressure nozzle from somewhere inside. It was relieving. My stress has been sitting on my shoulders like an iron noose. The burden of carrying it has literally made my head and neck ache. Once I had crawled into bed, I slept all night. It felt good to not toss and turn. When I woke up this morning, I felt as if I had slept well. Thank goodness. I was needing a good night's sleep.

Well, time to get back to reality. I need to go wake up a certain little helper. He needs to get dressed and maybe get some breakfast in his tummy before we hit the road. The sitter will be here soon and I need to get moving before I start to run behind. Happy Saturday to you all! Here's to a successful fundraiser! Know what? It's gonna be a good fundraiser even if we don't make a lot of money. The fact that we're there--honestly--that's all that matters.

Unnecessary Roughness

Okay, it's getting rough. Here we are in the second month of the new year and I have to blow the whistle. It's time to throw in a flag. Personal foul. Unnecessary roughness.
 Everything is piling up on top of it's self. The teachers are reporting more problems with my kids in school. Their medications aren't doing their job. I know there is no quick and easy fix for their conditions but when my 7 year old's Tourret's is rearing it's ugly head and my 8 year old's ODD is getting out of control, and the teachers are complaining, it's becoming serious.Our van situation is on hold due to finances. My search for an attorney is on hold due to finances. My body aches are back and I can't figure out why, and neither can the doctors. So what the hell am I supposed to do?

I had a meeting with my 7 year old's teacher yesterday. She told me that my 7 year old boy who is usually so sweet natured and calm--distracted but calm--has been yelling at his classmates. He has been rolling on the floor and not paying attention during circle time. He has been unwilling or unable to make the transitions from one subject to the other. So when it comes time to complete the worksheets they are working on and move on to the next subject, he has a fit. He hasn't been completing his work in class and so his teacher has been sending him home all the incomplete worksheets as homework. On Tuesday she sent him home with seven incomplete worksheets. SEVEN!!!! Hello? At what point did she plan to tell me there are problems with his performance at school?? I had to contact her about all the work she was sending home. He can't concentrate on seven worksheets in one night. I have two other boys to look after. I have to make dinner in there somewhere. Apparently this has been going on since we returned from Christmas vacation. Great. Terrific. I love how I am just now being notified.
My 8 year old has been a disruption in class as well. Okay this is nothing new. He's always a disruption in class but it's usually in different degrees. Bearable/ unbearable/ criminal.
Right now he is working on a level between unbearable and criminal. Same thing here at home. He is working on my last nerve. He is lingering somewhere between intolerable evil and whiny spoiled brat. I am usually on the verge of throwing him out. I have been trying to kill the anger in him with rewards for his good behavior and hugs and love even when I am forced to discipline. But he always seems to remain bouncing around on that one last nerve. Almost like he has is tied it around his waist and bungy-jumping off the Empire State building with it, just to see how far he can make it stretch before it snaps.

((Sigh))

To top it all off, because too much crap is never enough in my world, the body aches have returned. Hello body aches! There you are. I was wondering when you were going to make a reappearance. Not that I was missing the body aches, really. Actually I was hoping that the body aches would have seen me getting blood tests and trying to stay hydrated and trying to figure out what is causing them and it would take note of all my efforts and they would've been scared away, but alas they are as stubborn as I am. So here I am stuck on the couch....again. I've taken my Advil for the body aches but it isn't working....again. I have too busy a life to be stuck on the couch with these dumb body aches...again. And so again I am forced to question my anxiety and stress levels. Am I getting enough sleep at night? Do I need to even bother going back to the doctor's office for even more tests? WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME???

For the rest of the time I am here at home on this couch, I plan to rest and possibly nap. I went to bed early last night because I didn't feel good. I didn't even meditate. I didn't read my book either. I just layed down on my bed and crashed into my pillow and slept for hours and hours. I slept for a total of 9 hours. I can hardly believe it! It may have something to do with the fact that I took one extra dose of my Ambien just to be sure I slept, but no matter. It worked and I slept. No matter how much sleep I got last night though, I still woke up this morning feeling like a thousand pound boulder.

I need to rest. My body hurts. I need to get back to feeling better. After-school and homework time will be here before I know it. The boys and their boundless energy and their need to fight and argue with me and each other will be in full blossom. My eight year old will be defiant as ever and I need to be more on my game, because Moms are never allowed to be sick or tired....or human.

Right now I can definitely say that I am GREATFUL for one normal and well behaved four year old. He is seeming to be alright with the fact that I want to sit on the couch and be lazy. Thank you God for at least one forgiving child. Thank you so much!!!!

Just another manic Monday

Today was Monday, and I am like Garfield the Cat when it comes to Mondays. I hate Mondays. Everybody has to get back to work; kids have to get up for school. Everybody has to wake up early and shake off the laziness of the weekend and put back on their serious faces and get back to the grind.
Yuck.
I hate Mondays.
This Monday was especially brutal. It didn’t hold back. My day started off well enough but the “bad” creeped in--slowly. I was supposed to go take a prospective van into the mechanic’s shop today to get my thumbs up/ thumbs down, but when it came right down to it, I didn’t see the need to. Not just yet anyway. You see, I checked the bank account today and realized that the funds to afford the van just simply aren’t there. Not enough. Not yet anyway.
I realized today that we are going to need to start saving way more money if we are going to buy this van. THIS particular van is for sale by a person. Not a used car lot that will finance. Maybe this guy will hold on to the van for us until we have all the money? Maybe.
However, this raises all kinds of questions for me. Do I need to just tell the guy never mind? Should I sell MY van to raise the money faster? Should I just hang on to my van till the husband comes home and then we can take care of all this van business then? Should I just keep looking at different used car lots and potentially get jacked around in order to be able to finance? Do I really want to make more vehicle payments a month? I don’t think I will find a better van at a better price, but should I just get my van fixed and forget all this nonsense?
So I called the guy and told him I wouldn’t be able to make it today to get the van checked out. I need to speak with my husband first about our finances . He said okay. He seemed nice about it. Thank goodness for a nice person. But oh man I’m bummed out. I need this van business to be over and done with.
The next portion of my day really socked it to me. As if finances weren’t enough of a problem, I still have my house in Kansas City that’s a nagging issue. I kid you not, the problem with this house invades my dreams. I get nightmares about this house. I dream that I return to the house to just visit--I don’t know why I’m visiting but I just am--and to my shock and horror the house is still FULL of all my stuff. I look in the cabinets and there are the dishes! Didn’t I pack those? Surely I did! I look in the closets and there’s all our clothes. Didn’t I pack all our clothes??? So I have to find boxes for all this STUFF. I don’t have enough boxes. I can’t fit all the stuff into the boxes. The stuff is accumulating. I’m in full panic mode and I feel helpless. That’s about the time I wake up, breathless and overwhelmed with the feeling of despair.
So this is just one of the reasons why this house needs to be sold--and soon. I got the idea to call an attorney from my sister. Then I got the idea to call my attorney friend, Paula, in Kansas City from my mother. So today I gave Paula a call and left her a message that I was needing her to call me back. I wanted Paula to just maybe, possibly direct me to a fellow attorney friend that she might have that just maybe, possibly knows the house-selling business like it was all they know how to do. So I made my call, left her a message and then took some Advil for my little headache and planned to take a rest on the couch. However no sooner had I flopped on the couch then my phone rang. It was Paula. She wanted to let me know that no, she didn’t have any fellow attorney friends that are good at the house-selling business, but she did however have a friend who is realtor. Maybe the realtor friend can give me a call if I don’t mind?
Okay sure, why not. It’s not like I haven’t gone through about three other realtors so far in a space of seven months, and they have all let me down abysmally. Sure. Why not try out yet another realtor? So I reluctantly gave the realtor a call. I told her of my position. I am not in KC anymore but I need to sell this run down, old house. My husband has deployed. Yes, I have special power of attorney because no I‘m not on the deed or mortgage….blah, blah, blah.
She says, “Oh I can help you! This is my field of specialty. I specialize in short sales and blah, blah, blah“…
“Okay“, I tell her, “ Listen. Please don’t tell me you can handle this yet. Not until you have seen the house first. Really. It’s doozie. It’s falling down and needs more repairs than it’s worth. The mortgage company refused to make a deal with me back when I had a buyer. It’s all kinds of mess. This is why I was looking for an attorney.”
She insisted that she would go take a look at the house first, then get back with me later this week. Great.
If she thinks she can help me after looking at the house, do I even still want to bother? Why bother even going down this road…again? I should just tell the lady no thank you and go look for an attorney like I had originally intended.
Then my brain goes into overdrive thinking again of the van and the house and the bills coming up and the bills that have been paid and how much can I save at this rate and blah, blah, blah!!!!!
My brain was screaming by the time I got off the phone with the realtor. My thoughts were flipping through my head so fast I was dizzy. The little hamster in his wheel was going at an insane and unnatural speed. I looked at the time. Oh jeeze! It was time to go get the kids from school. I grabbed my coat and keys and ran out the door. No time to stop by the library to get the book that is waiting for me, I was running too late for that.
As I was driving down the road, a thought struck me. Duh, Jayme! Practice your deep yogic breathing. That should help your brain to calm down and relieve your anxiety. So I took a breath, but soon discovered I had none. It was like the breath had been knocked out of me. I gave a pathetic little exhale. Plaaahhh….

I didn’t bother trying my yogic breathing after that. I was too overwhelmed. Too dizzy. Too breath-LESS.
I realize that this too shall pass. This was just a bad day, just a manic Monday. Tomorrow will come. Tomorrow will be a better day and all that jazz. I should be thankful for the little things. Thankful for my attorney friend; thankful that I at least have another vehicle to get me by, and the van isn’t my only mode of transportation. I should be thankful that my husband has a job, that we don’t live on the streets. That I’m not paralized. That my kids aren‘t short-bus special. That we have food. That the cat has food. I should be thankful, and I am. But right at the moment my headache is pounding and this day sucked eggs. I just want to turn off the lights and hope that when Tuesday gets here tomorrow, it will feel pity on me and treat me with some kindness. And that this pounding headache and neck-ache have hit the road.

We ain't having any fun here.

The most fun in the world is something that is whatever is special to each of us. The most fun thing in the world for me would be something like a beautiful day at the beach with a really good book and wonderfully behaved children playing with their beloved nanny so my husband and I can have an amazingly scrumptious dinner at a candle lit outdoor restaraunt on a tropical island. ((SIGH))
 Doesn't that sound just wonderful?
Mmmm....wonderful.
BUT, that's not what's been going on here. I have been mini van shopping at used car lots because my family van is on it's last leg. Just recently I had to take my sweet, old reliable, and beloved mini van into the shop for some repairs and to renew her tags. I knew when I took her into the shop it was probably going to be kind of expensive, but I wasn't prepared for the news I got. She has some seriously expensive problems that ring up to a grand total of $1,500.00.

I was pretty bummed out. I mean who has that kind of money just sitting around ready to be put into van repairs? I know my family sure doesn't. So I sent an e-mail to the hubby about all the problems, expensive problems, with our good old reliable van. He suggested that I go....ugh....van shopping.

Now let's think about this seriously. I have three boys that each have different school schedules, and at any given point I have at least one child with me for most of the day. There are a few windows of time that I am free but they usually last no more than two hours at a time. On the weekends I have all kinds of time because nobody has to be picked up and dropped off anywhere, but I have all three boys with me the WHOLE time.  I'm not sure of those other parents out there that have well bahaved children, but MY kids aren't like that. Just running into the store to get a gallon of milk can take forever and even more humiliating because how loud and rowdy my kids can be.

Well, I did what my poor husband asked me to do. I did as much of the online research as I could. Made a few phone calls. You know, everything I possibly could from home? I waited till I absolutley had to go to a car lot. So finaly, after much delay, I loaded up the four year old and drove to a used car lot.

A little something you should know about me. I had an amazing grandfather. He believed in showing me the small things about car repair. You know? How to change a tire, change the oil and all the simple things that I can do from home--if I wanted or needed to. So I KNOW what an oil leak looks like. I know what some of the cords and wires are for under the hood. I know a good battery just by turning on the engine, and I know what most of the noises mean when I put on the brakes. I'm not completely car illiterate. I'm NO mechanic by any stretch of the imagination, but I know a piece of junk when I look under the hood. Fortunatly I also know that before I purchase a good used vehicle, I know to take it to a good and trusted mechanic to get a thumbs up or a thumbs down for all the "invisible" stuff. The stuff I know nothing about.

And like any good used car salesman worth his salt, the guy I spoke with tried to show me used vans waaaay out of my price range in hopes that I was stupid enough to fall for it. Then he tried to show me vans that were fresh to the lot and haven't even been detailed yet, and they don't even know what the van is worth yet. Then of course, this guy simply had to stick to routine and show me vans within my price range but with all the "invisible" problems. I looked under the hood. I looked under the van's body. I got inside and checked all the lights and blinkers. I started it up slowly, letting the key sit in each spot for a second as I turned it on. It sounded good. It drove good. No squeaks with the brakes. There was a small spot under the van where it looked like oil, but if it's just a small oil leak, that's repairable. That's managable. So here is when I needed to take it to my trusted mechanic to get the official thumbs up/thumbs down.

 It was also time to go get the other boys from school too. I let Mr. Car Salesman know that it's time for me to go get the other kids and if I come back here with all three boys, it better be worth my time because they won't make car shopping easy. He promised it would be. He promised.

Uh-huh, riiiiiiight.....I was sceptical. Sceptical but I did it anyway.

I need to make this long story short, because this story can become long if I let it. Trust me. I got the other boys from school; drove all the way back to the lot, drove the prospective van and all the boys with me to the mechanic's shop on the other side of town, got a HUGE thumbs down, and drove back to Mr. Car Salesman's lot to let him know I am greatly dissapointed with his honesty skills and left there with three hungry, grumpy, tired boys. I was frustrated. I was angry! But most of all I was exhausted. I had NO dinner made, nobody had done their homework and it was waaaay past time for getting ready for bed. I had wasted more than five hours dealing with this trust worthy-challenged car salesman and his van with invisible problems. $957.00 worth of problems to be exact.

So here is my issue. Here is what I am dealing with so far this week. This may be "fun" for some folks out there. And I'm sure that this would be considered fun to Mr. Car Salesman, but for me and my family, this is NOT fun. This isn't even slightly bearable. I woke up the next morning from this experience with a giant headache. The moment I woke up I felt like I had just woken up from surviving a battle. All I could think to myself was, "I think I'm allergic to bull-shit". My body can not physically handle used car salesmen and all their bull shit.

I don't understand why this has to be some stupid game? I am bringing everything to table and laying it out. I explain what I have, what my budget is and what I want. All I ask is that I find something within those terms or as close to it as humanly possible. I didn't ask for somebody to pee on me and tell me it's raining. Why is dealing with used car salesmen so hard? I think I have, over the years, grown to find used car salesmen about as bad dealing with something gross and slimy that requires a full shower when your done. It must take a special kind of extra gene. The scum-bag gene, to be a good used car salesman. I almost feel sorry them.

I'm unfortunatly not finished here. I still have to keep looking and I HATE it. I HATE IT!!!!!
I HATE this big dumb game they all play and I HATE having to take all my kids with me to these car lots and I HATE that I am considering getting rid of my PAID for van to find something else that will require payments.

UUUUUGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!! I HATE IT!

It's Murphy and his stupid laws.

So yesterday I had the chance to do my part and donate blood to the American Red Cross. It's always for a good cause, but this time it was especially fotrtuitous because it was being held by my apartment complex. Those who were able to donate would be able to enter their name in drawing for one month of paid rent. What's that? One month paid rent? Sign me up!
Also, I'm a loyal blood donor. I actually enjoy donating my blood. I even have my little red card that has my name on it and blood type and all the other bits of information on it that is required when you go to donate for the American Red Cross. It's something I am quite proud of actualy. I am able to donate and so therefore I do so with honor. And by golly they like me at the donation sites. They take one look at my arm with the tourniquet wrapped tightly around it and they all say the same thing.
"WOW!"
Yep, I have GIANT veins. Giant! With the tourniquet on my arm, I've heard you can see my veins from space! Okay, maybe that's a bit of a stretch, but seriously they are huge. I'm a phlebotomist, and when in class for phlebotomy, I was everybody's favorite pin cushion. You simply can't miss hitting my great big, ol' blue veins.

Not to mention that I have never been turned away. Ever. I am a good donor. I meet all the requirments and pass all the tests. I've never lived in a foreign country for more than four months, I've never lived with anybody from a third world country and I've never had malaria, I've never had a tattoo...blah, blah, blah...

So when I found out we could earn the chance to win a month of free rent, I jumped at the chance. I was as sure of my donating as I am sure the day is long. So when I was turned away yesterday for low iron, I was more than a little surprised. How can that be? My iron can't be low! I just had it checked at the doctor's office! Didn't they just test my blood for iron, Vitamin D, and thyroid problems?

Oh I forgot to mention that all those tests came back completely normal. Even my vitamin D came back normal and that's not typical. 9 times out of 10, vitamin D tests come back low. Most people walk around everyday with defficiant vitamin D levels. I'm not saying I'm special or anything! It's just unusual.

Anyway back to the story, So my iron was low and they turned me away for the first time ever. They checked it twice, and yep! It's too low. So the lady who was checking my blood asked me if I was getting enough sleep at night? Has there been any changes in my diet? I'm thinking, "wait a minuet. All these questions are the same questions my doctor just asked me last week. I said no then and I still say no. No changes. I sleep fine, my stress levels have actually gotten better and I eat well everyday. I even take a Flintstone vitamin everyday. Okay, they belong to the kids but hey, they taste good and why not? I know, I know. I need to get my own.

Well when I left there all bummed out, I was wondering. What WAS my blood test results? What were the actual numbers on those blood tests? So I flipped open the phone and called the doctor's office right then. I asked the medical assistant what were the actual numbers of each blood test that was taken just last week?
She gave me the numbers, and she was right. I registered normal for each blood test that was run but wait...what's this? They didn't run Iron?
"No iron test?" I asked.
"No, iron wasn't tested." she replied
Okay, I went in to see the doctor for body aches and chills and fatigue, and of all the tests that were ran, my  iron level wasn't one of them? How can that be? Could I be anemic and not know it? Could I have been fighting off some random cold when I went to the doctor, and I was dehydrated, and maybe even anemic? Do I need to go back to the doctor's office yet again for more blood tests? Should I even bother? I asked the medical assistant what would happen if a person is reported to have low iron results and she replied that the patient just needs to take an over the counter iron suppliment.
Super. That's easy. That's not too hard. Maybe I shouldn't bother wasting hours from my day and open another big ol giant blue vein just to have my iron tested. Adding an iron suppliment to my daily pill planner is as easy as farting in the wind. No big deal.
I just wish I had known this about my iron a few days ago. Maybe then I wouldn't have lost out on free rent for a month. That money, right now, would seriously have come in handy! I have a lot of stuff going on right now that is about to cost me big bucks. The van broke down and I need to either get it fixed or get a new one. I'm probably going to spend a giant chunck of money because I need to find an attorney in Kansas City  that specialises in real estate. Sheesh!

When it rains, it pours, don't you know? This was Murphy's Law in play, that's what this was. This was the God's of Fate smirking, rolling their eyes and shaking their heads at me. They must have seen that it was going too smoothly over here for me and decided to send in good old Murphy and his big bunch of stupid laws because now everything is messed up.
Next time I'm gonna.....oh who am I kidding? You never know when Murphy is coming over. He just pops in UNinvited. Nobody can ever plan ahead when it comes to that dick head.

Stupid iron.

This ain't no frigging walk through the garden here!

Here I am just sitting on the couch and watching the kitty cats playing and running all over the house. The occasional hissing sound or playful growl is the only thing I can hear at the moment, and this is a good thing. WHAT a crappy day it has been. Honestly. It sucked eggs.

I have been going back and forth with my oldest boy today. We never seem to see eye to eye on anything. If God gives challenges, then this child is my challenge. It's not my middle son with ADHD and Tourrette's, oh no! It's my oldest son with ADHD and ODD. That's short for Oppositional Defiant Disorder. It's like raising a two year old ALL THE TIME. You know, like he hit the terrible twos and just never grew out of it. Seriously though, ODD is a mental condition. It usually comes hand in hand with ADHD. According to the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry:

The following are behaviors are associated with ODD:

• Negativity
• Defiance
• Disobedience
• Hostility directed toward authority figures

These behaviors might cause your child to regularly and consistently show these signs and symptoms:

• Temper tantrums (yes)
• Argumentativeness with adults (yep)
• Refusal to comply with adult requests or rules (yeppers)
• Deliberate annoyance of other people (check mark)
• Blaming others for mistakes or misbehavior (double check mark)
• Acting touchy and easily annoyed (oh my gosh, like all the time)
• Anger and resentment (so bad I walk on egg shells)
• Spiteful or vindictive behavior (oh yeah, that's for sure)
• Aggressiveness toward peers (and towards brothers)
• Difficulty maintaining friendships (unfortunately)
• Academic problems (if this includes fighting with his teacher than yes.)

Related mental health issuesOppositional defiant disorder often occurs along with other behavioral or mental health problems such as:

• Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD)
• Anxiety
• Depression

Treatment of ODD involves therapy, special types of training to help build positive family interactions, and possibly medications to treat related mental health conditions.
We are doing all of it.

Well, let me tell you! It's been no walk through the frigging park raising this child! Just taking care of my son during one of his fits can seriously take hoooouuuurrrsss. It's like I can't pay attention to anything else because it takes all the strength I can muster just to control my own temper. I have to try to remember all my training that I have been getting from our family counselor because I MUST be a good example of how to maintain self-control when all I really want to do is fling the front door open and kick his grumpy little hiny out!

Here lately he has been stealing /hiding /eating candy and lying about it. It's like he is OBSESSED with candy! I give candy to the boys as a reward for earning so many "good-behaviour" stickers on our little sticker chart thingy. We follow this sticker chart ever faithfully, and I like how the boys are able to see how many stickers they earn in a day. We have followed this sticker chart thing for months now. Well my oldest found the candy stash one night and just let all sense and self control go right out the door. He ate almost the entire bag of candy treats! All but three pieces. I discovered the wrappers all over his room this morning and I was furious. What made me even more angry was when I confronted him about his little midnight raid, he tried to deny it.

Riiiiight.

Like 10+ pieces of candy decided to shed their wrappers and hit the road, but before they left they hid their wrapper mess UNDER my son's pillow and bed. Ya, that could happen?

This isn't the first time this has happened. Nope, huh-uh. Not even the second time. Or even the third time for that matter. This kid has absolutely no controll. He is completely impulsive. I have tried and tried and tried to get this boy to take some responsibility over his actions. I've tried to get him to understand why high levels of sugar and food coloring are bad for a kid with his condition. He just doesn't get it. I've even tried to help him practice self control and impulsive behaviours and reward his success, but nothing seems to work on this kid. If he finds candy, he will eat it.

Maybe you're not understanding what a big deal this is. You're probably thinking, "Dang! Just give the kid a piece of candy or something. No big deal." Well let me give you an example of what I am dealing with:
 My son will eat any kind of candy off the ground, trash can, or even moldy, slimy, moss covered nastiness. Even if it was half eaten by somebody else. He will chew gum that he finds from under restaurant tables and from off the sidewalks. He will try and swindle anybody he can into giving him another piece if they offer him one, then he will steal another piece when they aren't looking. What has bothered me the most of all is when he will steal money from my wallet to purchase it. 

What am I supposed to do with this kid? The lies are stacking up. He has ruined my trust for him completely. I don't just think he's lying to me anymore, I KNOW he is. I can tell because his lips are moving. He lies to me for just about anything, really. Not just candy. It kills me because in the past I have discovered something bad that one of my kids has done and NOBODY will confess to it. Typical stuff. That's the way kids are, right? I usually already know who did it, but I tell the boys, "Okay since nobody will confess to the crime then you all will be punished until somebody tells me the truth."
Get this, my youngest, my four year old, in the past, has confessed to the crimes but he wasn't the culprit. Turns out, the kid "whodunnit" was my oldest but he was allowing my four year old to fall on the bomb. To take one for the team! I was so shocked one day when my oldest finally came clean about what had been going on. I was glad that he told me, but so ashamed at him. I told him too. "Thank you for FINALLY telling the truth but shame on you." I wonder how many times I've disciplined my four year when he was really innocent? Then again, what is that kid thinking taking the blame? Yes, I've talked to him about it, but how much of what I said does he understand? I mean, he's four.

So today has been one of those days from hell. All day long it has been a struggle with my oldest son's temper because he is being disciplined for his dishonesty and he doesn't like it! He hates being grounded because now he's BORED! Now he doesn't have anything to do and he's ill-tempered. It's so completely inconceivable to him that the sun doesn't rise and set in his honour. He doesn't get that the sun and moon and stars don't actually orbit around his royal little ass. He doesn't understand that I, his mother, don't have to entertain him while he is being grounded from the other things that were created for his entertainment. To be perfectly honest, I don't understand why he thinks he is so entitled. My other two boys don't behave this way at all.

The quiet here in the house has been something that I have looked forward to all day. Finally some peace and quiet for mommy. Finally my oldest is asleep. I bet he's up there right now dreaming up new ways to get around his grounding. Little brat.

I dislike having a mystery illness

I want to make this a quick blog post because I'm not feeling too good. I have been sick on and off since last October. I been having body aches as if I have the flu or a nasty cold on and off, but I never seem to have a fever or any other flu-ish or cold-ish symptoms. You know? The fever, the coughing, the stuffy nose and all the other yucky crap that usually goes along with those diseases? I don't have that stuff.

I have just boiled it down to stress. I mean think about it? I am constantly stressed out with kids, meds, doctor appointments, kids fighting, therapist appointments, kid's school, the laundry....no husband. Life is just a wee bit stressful these days. This is why I decided to make meditation apart of my life. I meditated just today after I woke up from a nap. Smart girl, huh? A friend of mine instructed me to add echinacea to my diet as an immunity booster. Not even hesitating, I went and got the stuff the very next day. It's been a part of my daily medicinal regiment for about a month now.

Just a few days ago, my youngest came down with strep throat again this year. That's what you get when you're a thumb sucker or in his case a finger sucker. Those little wrinkled fingers just live in his  mouth. They set-up residence in there a long time ago. It's going to be nasty little habit to break him of, I can see this already.
So I took him to the doctor and he was prescribed his antibiotics and the doctor advised me to keep an eye out for the rest of us in the house because you know? Strep is very contagious!

Well guess what? Within days I fltl like poop. I had the body aches and chills. No pain when I swallowed but definititely the body aches. So this morning, being the smart and responsible mommy that I am, I went to the doctor. She looked in mouth. She looked at my tonsils. Nothing. She looked in my ears. Nothing. She looked at my eyes, my nose, and she felt on my neck for my glands. Nothing. She took a swab of my tonsils and up my nose. Those tests came back negative for strep or even for Influenza A. She then had me go pee in a cup. Those are fun times, especially when you're a girl. That particular urine test came back with high keytons and something else.I'm not sure, but all that test added up to was severe dehydration. She can't figure it out. What is wrong with me? She asked me about my sleep at night and of course, since I take my Ambien and Tomazipam, my sleep is good. I told her that I have been meditating once or twice a day, and I feel like my stress level has decreased significanly. The boys haven't been driving me insane too bad lately because we have had therapist appointments and psychiatrist appointments to help keep that portion of our lives under control.

I did admit to her that this body ache-y feeling has been coming and going since last October. I figured it had to be low immunity due to a stressed-out life, but that I THOUGHT this was under control now? She just looked at me for a long time with a very confused look on her face. She has no idea what's wrong with my body. This is a conumdrum to her and I could tell she was going over all her medical training in her head. Did she ask all the right questions about my diet and sleep habits? Did she miss something?

Finaly she announced that she is going to have to take some of my blood. She decided that she is going to have to run my blood for low iron, Thyroid problems, and Vitamin D defficiency. I was thinking she should have added a CBC (or complete blood count) just for good measure, but she is the doctor!

So right at this moment I have no answers as to why I have low energy, chills, and body aches. At this very moment all I know is that I was dehydrated but I have been drinking my yucky water all day and resting my cold, weary bones. I should be able to get my test results back by Monday. Monday seems a long way away from this Thursday. Waiting sucks. I don't like waiting. I don't like that my doctor isn't going to be in her office tomorrow and so I'm going to have to wait all weekend long to figure out what's going on.
Have I ever mention that I'm not a very patient person either?